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Is My Life Ordinary? - Chapter 85

Published at 13th of January 2022 09:05:22 AM


Chapter 85: I Don't Know Anymore

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I was trying not to think about my situation but I couldn't. 

Since we were eating at the dinner table my mother couldn't see my legs shaking up frantically. To the point where even I was hardly able to hide. 

I tried not to show her any reason to worry. 

"Allen, how's the food?" she asked me. 

"... Yes it's good as always," I abruptly replied with the brightest smile I could make at the situation. 

"That's good... good..." that's when I noticed her warm and sweet smile disappear behind that worried face. 

"What's the... matter...?" I asked her as I took another bite. 

"N-Nothing... just some problem from work," she said. 

I know that face. She is lying. She did mention it is from work then I guess I can't involve much. But it still makes me worry about her. 

"If you say so..." I replied as I took the last bite. 

"Are you sure you don't have any problems?" she asked me as she had a worried look on her face.

"What do you mean...?" I asked her. 

"I just had a hunch," she said, "Maybe I was just overthinking things... hahaha..."

"... Yeah that must be the case," I added. 

It was awkward since we both didn't know what to talk about. It's most likely she also has some problem but she can't talk about it just like me. The atmosphere between us seemed to be distant but we talked as usual. Such irony.

Trying to break that unsettling atmosphere she asked me something. 

"... Do you want more?" she asked me as soon as she saw my plate empty. Her look clearly stated that she wasn't doing okay but she still tried not to let it be shown to her son. 

"Nah, I am full," I said trying to act as usual.

I just couldn't afford to make the anxious face I was hiding inside of me to her. At least not yet.

"Oh... then I guess I will do some other work now." With that, she left the table and went straight to the kitchen. I couldn't say anything to her as I saw her vanish behind the door. 

The room fell silent. I tried staying there for more time but I couldn't stop shaking. 

...

I entered my room and turned out the lights.

Because my bed was on the other side of the door, I had to go a few steps before reaching it, and when I did, I sat on it with my back to the wall.

I took a few deep breaths in an attempt to calm down, but it was all for naught.

I began to have thoughts about my life. I wasn't attempting to think about anything, but who knew human emotions could take over so easily? The thoughts blazed like a wildfire in a forest, with no way of halting them.

I'm not sure why I'm still alive at this point. Is it because death is such a terrifying experience? NO If anything, I suppose it's because I'm concerned about my parents. I really don't want them to blame themselves for raising me. I'm not sure what went wrong, but I'm certain it was all my fault. If it wasn't my fault them why am I begin in this situation?

I used to have a normal ordinary life.

That's all I wanted, but what happened to it? Is it because I'm to blame? That is not feasible, I think. I didn't do anything criminal, so why is everyone pointing a gun at me?

Who? Who exactly? I'm not interested in why, but in who.

First, I was abducted. Then being shot by the cops. As if that wasn't enough, I've been living on the precipice my whole life. Was it because of something I did wrong?

I simply don't feel safe any longer. No matter what. When I go into my house, I may feel relieved, not because a tough day has come to an end, but because I made it through the day unscathed. It wasn't enough that I had to deal with that idiotic child, Roy, after the event with the HYDRAs.

At this point, I just feel relieved at the end of the day that I am alive. Because all those things happening around me have led me to think that it isn't going to stop anytime soon and even if the ends, the moment it all ends will be the exact moment that I would be free and feel relieved for getting past all difficulties or it will be the moment I wouldn't be able to feel anything anymore. 

I might look okay from outside but all this is eating me from inside. They can say whatever they want, all they want but they don't know the real reason. 

No one does. 

I am in this alone and I have to get out of this alone... it's not an option.

At first, it was only my hands but right now all my body is shaking. No matter what it kept on shaking. 

What would it take me for someone to help me? I can't tell anyone at home nor can I talk about my worries to someone. I just can't. No matter what they say on the surface the evil side always lurks behind those pleasant words. I have seen it happening in front of me. 

The moment I was about to have a mental breakdown I felt a surge inside my body. Like something flowing throughout my veins.

Ah, here it comes. 

The mysterious antidote to calm me down no matter the situation. I am here having my life and death situation but my mental condition seems to be doing just fine now.

Just a few seconds before I was about to pass out maybe but now I am just fine.

It's as if I am not even controlling this body, the body is controlling me. 

I know that seems bizarre, but I don't feel like myself. As I go down this unknown but hellish path, it's as if I'm losing touch with my emotions. Is it me who is changing, or is it the true me who is emerging?

...

Before I knew it I fell asleep. 

Was it because I needed to calm down or was it because my mental situation needed some rest? I can't possibly know that but I am pretty sure it wasn't my doing. 

...

"!?" as I tried to move my hands I felt like I touched some fabric. But maybe I was half-asleep I didn't know that it was the curtain and it just got sideways. A sudden bright light flashed in front of me.

"Ah..." I woke up with a slight headache. I wonder is it because of what I was going through last night...

Without any further ado, I walked outside my room and went directly to the bathroom. 

Soon I was ready and was waiting for my breakfast to be served by my mother similar to what my father was doing as he was reading the newspaper. 

"Allen," he called out to me. 

"Yes," I responded. 

"How's school? Anything new took place recently?" he asked me as he turned over the newspaper page.

"As always nothing new to tell," I said without giving it much thought. 

The mother also came up to the table with a pair of plates.

"Is that so...? Then why did I hear from your mother that you have made a cute girl-friend and is pretty close with you," he said as he hid his face behind the newspaper. 

I turned over to mother for an explanation but the instant I turned over to her she walked away not even taking a look at me.

"She is just a friend," I answered. 

"Hmm..." he didn't sound convinced but he didn't pursue the matter further. 

"Enough about me," I said, "How's the work at the hospital?" 

"Fine, I guess." he gave a vague answer. Hearing it I came to the conclusion that it isn't going great either.

I ate breakfast as fast I could and made my way out to the house.

...

"Did you pack everything?" 

"~Yes~"

I didn't even realize that my father is also leaving right now. We both said that in unison. 

"It looks like both father and son are in sync today, fufufufu..." mother let out a slight laugh. 

"Yeah," father replied with a smile on his face, "I am going. Allen, you going to?" 

"Yeah sure," I replied as I stood up from the table and went to wear my shoes. 

I stepped outside alongside with father. 

"Allen, take care," he patted my head and said to me as he walked in opposite direction. 

"Yeah I will," I said in response and left for school. 

...

Now I just need to think of how to handle the Student Council. 

All the way to my school, I just thought about how I would make them accept that they are just trying to expel me to get revenge on what I did to the Student Council President on the stage. But it's easy said than done. 

I couldn't think of anything to make them say it. 

Alright, it's decided then. I am going to think of this in school. I am too stressed up with all these problems pilling up.

TO BE CONTINUED....





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